I had a very specific plan of how I was going to write and set up my blog, but I think there are some important points that need to be addressed going into the New Year. I am an outspoken person, but I am also extremely sensitive and it doesn’t take much to make me emotional.   So, I am going to lay out some guidelines that have pertained to my life, specifically over the last 12 months. These are especially true when you see any family members or friends throughout the holidays that are suffering from a chronic pelvic pain illness. Read, follow, and enjoy!

If your family member says they are in pain, believe them!

• Even if you can’t see it, or they don’t “seem to be hurting”. I have gone through years of just “sucking it up” through the pain because I didn’t want to let anyone down. I don’t believe I looked sick or in pain on the outside, but on the inside, it felt like there were knives twisting in my stomach.
• People suffering from pelvic pain illnesses never purposely miss events and gatherings. I have missed family celebrations and had to leave important events early due to my endometriosis flare-ups. It is a terrible feeling to think your support system, family and friends, do not believe you are in pain when you tell them the circumstances.

PLEASE stop asking couples when they are having babies!

• Couples (long term, married, same sex, etc.) may not have babies for many different reasons! They may be your family- your sister, your daughter, your friend, your cousin- but that still does not mean you have the right to ask when they are planning to conceive. You don’t need to be involved in every decision of their life. The saying goes “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” So, to be polite, just don’t ask!
• This question can really trigger a woman who IS trying to conceive, or who just recently conceived and had a miscarriage. The reason I even got my first laparoscopy, where I was diagnosed with endometriosis, was because I was curious as to why my husband and I had been flippantly trying to conceive for 8 months. Even after surgery, I have still had people ask me when we are going to have a baby, and the pain of my empty womb immediately makes my eyes fill with tears. (Side note: I’m optimistic about getting pregnant and having a family in this coming year, after my surgery in December I’ve been given really good chances!)

Don’t push your diet, essential oils, drugs, or other witchcraft onto someone with a pelvic pain condition.

• PSA: There is no cure for endometriosis (and most other pelvic pain issues)! There is a gold standard option, which you need to have some financial stability to be able to afford (or a really supportive husband, set of parents and in laws, and friends).  I have looked up natural cures for cramps and back pain and the different foods to eat or stay away from for inflammation. If it is on Pinterest, I can guarantee you- I have tried it, and even if it worked a few times, it stopped working.
• Other people have endometriosis, PCOS, Interstitial Cystitis, Adenomyosis. Sometimes, your cousin’s friends’ husband’s aunt’s grandmother had the same thing that I do and they cut this one type of food out of their diet, or got pregnant, or went on some crazy pharma drug, or had some special solution of essential oils that worked and “cured” them. That’s fine, and I’m glad it worked for them. For me, I put in TIME researching my illness and finding the best option for myself. **Not read as: I don’t want advice, I do! One time is good, though! It’s the pushiness that will have me rolling my eyes!**

Mean it and be ready to deliver when you ask, “Do you need anything?”

• Just getting out of surgery, I had many people check on me and ask me if there was anything I needed. I know for a fact that only about half of them would pull through if I texted back something like “Yes, actually I need some groceries in the fridge, I have the money I just need someone to grab them,” or, “I would really appreciate someone coming by and walking my dog, since I can’t really do strenuous activity for a few weeks, and he’s going crazy.” If you say it, be ready to follow through.
• Sometimes, during a flare up, I want to be left alone. Sometimes, during a flare-up, I want someone to just come sit with me and let me complain and cry when it hurts bad enough. Don’t stop asking if I say I don’t need anything a few times, it still feels good to know that people are concerned and understand that I’m in pain.

“Period” is not a dirty word, and it shouldn’t be treated as such.

• This is more for any males that are reading this blog. Husbands, brothers, dads, friends- women get something called a period. This is just the way of the world. Don’t be childish and make her embarrassed for mentioning it- it is the way of nature. If the woman in your life is having a flare up, it is typically due to one of two times in her cycle- ovulation or menstruation. She’s going through enough pain, she doesn’t need to feel shamed for something she can’t help.
• While trying not to make it a focal point of my conversation, if I’m having a flare up I am going to explain to whoever might be asking me why I’m in so much pain. I won’t say it in the middle of having dinner, especially something like spaghetti sauce or barbecue sauce- but I’m going to explain my pain. (This is another reason I started this blog, I constantly felt like I just had to say “I’m in pain” or “I don’t feel well,” and roll with the punches.)

All of these are things that I have experienced, or things that I have heard others with similar problems have experienced. Most people close to me in my life are actually pretty amazing, so no one should feel offended or victimized. Just some things to get off my chest before the clock strikes midnight! Let’s uplift one another with kindness and positivity in 2019! Happy New Year!