So, here I am 8 months post surgery. Some days have felt better than others, some weeks have felt worse than others. I chalk it up to my amazing surgeon telling me long before my surgery date that it can take up to a year to find your new “normal”. It feels like it really may take that long to level out.

My cycle has really started to become shorter, and I have little to moderate pain and clots; which is a completely new experience for me. However, with a regular cycle comes the conversation with my husband every month, “I’m still not pregnant.” Then I read articles that say it can take couples with “normal fertility” anywhere from 6 to 18 months, with the average being right at 12 months. We have definitely surpassed that timeline, but we also understand that we aren’t a couple in the aforementioned category.

We are most certainly still new to all of this. We have discussed all of our different options, I’ve tried to busy myself at work so as to “not think about it”, and I’ve also tracked my ovulation so meticulously that I was sure something should have happened by now. Though we aren’t ready to pursue other options and we are choosing to keep on fighting the good (natural) fight, it’s still emotionally taxing.

It invades my thoughts more than I care to share with anyone, including my own husband. I text my friends now so that they can tell me NOT to take a pregnancy test because they know it puts me in a 4 hour funk. I can feel people’s pity when I explain to them that we have been trying to start our family for over two years.

Though all of this is true and my open and honest opinion 8 months out of excision surgery, this is not what my post is about.

I know that if there is anyone on the face of this earth who knows exactly what I’m going through, it is someone who has gone through the same thing. One of the people closest to me that went through this is a very special aunt of mine. I remember hearing my mom talk about things I didn’t understand as a child- IVF, miscarriage, surrogate, fertility. I remember that my aunt and uncle were so good with all of their nieces and nephews and tried for years and never had their own children.

I was an adult when I learned that most people who can’t conceive or have children are the ones that most deserve them and would be the best parents in the world. It’s those same people that possess this otherworldly strength. My aunt, to this day, still holds faith in her religion and belief in God and Catholicism. While I don’t consider myself a Catholic any longer, I still have a deep rooted faith in God and spirituality.

Over the past weekend, another uncle had a big blowout barbecue. As soon as this particular aunt saw me there she said, “I have a little something for you.” It was my birthday just the weekend before, so I thought maybe it was just something small for that. She then went into this story about how she went to Ireland over the summer and visited “Our Lady of Knock.”

Once she started explaining, “It is said that people that visit her have miracles happen, and there’s this holy water I got for you. You’re supposed to sprinkle it on your pillow and it works miracles.” Dramatic pause. I was inside and had to keep my sunglasses on because I was crying at this point. Do you realize how special it is that this other person that UNDERSTANDS what I’m going through thought of ME while they were visiting a sacred place in IRELAND?!

So, my aunt proceeds to walk to her car and get me this very special holy water with a prayer on the back. I still haven’t even read the prayer because I keep going back to the thought above and just feel so loved that I could burst out in tears. Needless to say, I’m going to sprinkle some on my pillow. I’m going to wait until I’m ovulating…. letting God, science, and nature work together to perform this miracle.

I’m humbled from this experience. I am beyond feeling loved and supported from this experience. I’m in awe from this experience. I’m stronger and want to commit to be more faithful from this experience.